My
Life lately
Life lately
First, I need to say I am truly blessed!
For the last three months, I have been holding up a mask of, "I'm
alrights, okays, and I'm fines". Holding up a mask of faux happiness and
bravery. However, in the inside I was chaos. I was loosing my job, not talking
to God, and feeling just unhappy and unhealthy. Then to add a cherry onto of my
drama sundae. I found out I had legions my cervix which could be cancer. Let me
paint a quick picture.
I'm at working and playing on pinteresting. My phone rings. It the doctor's
office in Memphis.
Nurse:"Hey Ms. Childers. How are you?
Me: Fine and you?
Nurse: I'm well. Thank you for asking? Well Ms. Childers I was call to let you
know that your pap showed low grade legion on your cervix.
Me: Okay. (inside) ffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk!
Nurse: Ms. Childers its not cancer but they are pre- cancerous cells.
Me: SSSSSSSSSSSSShhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttt(inside) Okay.
Nurse: You need to get checked again ever four months blah blah blah blah
By this time I wasn't listening. my heart was aching, and tears were ready to
fall.
Nurse: Do you have any questions?
Me: No. (my voice went up an octave. (Obvious lie.)) Okay thank you! Bye.
I'm sitting at my desk trying not to hyperventilate, then the tears starting
falling. I'm crying loudly in my office. Asking God to please heal me because I
don't want get sick and die. I want to live and have a family.
Writing this makes my chest hurt.
After I collected myself I went into action. I called my mom. Who made me laugh
but underneath here humor I know she's worried. Yet, I was thankful she to
knows how mask her fear too. I guess I learned from the best.
Then, I find a doctor in GA. To make a long story short, I travelled to GA I
went in for my appointment.
It strange the thoughts that go through you mind while getting check because
you want to leave your body, you feel like you are being intruded upon. I
wished I wasn't by myself.
Anyway, to make a long story short again. I'm not cured but I don't have
cancer!!!
Blessed!
When I thought I could possibly have cancer my mind went to all the regret I
would die with.
I would never have kids, the husband, the career. I haven't danced, I didn't
take the multitude of ideas and put them into action. I want to travel, take
photos of those travels, fall in love and live life. I was just thinking about
the I nevers' I would have when I die.
There is a quote that I going to live by, " When I stand before God at the
end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left,
and could say, "I used everything you gave me."~ Erma Bombeck
1)Worshiper of God
2) Photographer
3)Examiner.com Writer
4)Jewelry maker
5)Up cycle furniture
6)Be a mother
I have had so many ideas that I have put them off to later. I know now that
there may not be a later.
For the last three months, I have been holding up a mask of, "I'm
alrights, okays, and I'm fines". Holding up a mask of faux happiness and
bravery. However, in the inside I was chaos. I was loosing my job, not talking
to God, and feeling just unhappy and unhealthy. Then to add a cherry onto of my
drama sundae. I found out I had legions my cervix which could be cancer. Let me
paint a quick picture.
I'm at working and playing on pinteresting. My phone rings. It the doctor's
office in Memphis.
Nurse:"Hey Ms. Childers. How are you?
Me: Fine and you?
Nurse: I'm well. Thank you for asking? Well Ms. Childers I was call to let you
know that your pap showed low grade legion on your cervix.
Me: Okay. (inside) ffffffffffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuccccccccccccccccccckkkkkkkkkkk!
Nurse: Ms. Childers its not cancer but they are pre- cancerous cells.
Me: SSSSSSSSSSSSShhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiittttttttttttttt(inside) Okay.
Nurse: You need to get checked again ever four months blah blah blah blah
By this time I wasn't listening. my heart was aching, and tears were ready to
fall.
Nurse: Do you have any questions?
Me: No. (my voice went up an octave. (Obvious lie.)) Okay thank you! Bye.
I'm sitting at my desk trying not to hyperventilate, then the tears starting
falling. I'm crying loudly in my office. Asking God to please heal me because I
don't want get sick and die. I want to live and have a family.
Writing this makes my chest hurt.
After I collected myself I went into action. I called my mom. Who made me laugh
but underneath here humor I know she's worried. Yet, I was thankful she to
knows how mask her fear too. I guess I learned from the best.
Then, I find a doctor in GA. To make a long story short, I travelled to GA I
went in for my appointment.
It strange the thoughts that go through you mind while getting check because
you want to leave your body, you feel like you are being intruded upon. I
wished I wasn't by myself.
Anyway, to make a long story short again. I'm not cured but I don't have
cancer!!!
Blessed!
When I thought I could possibly have cancer my mind went to all the regret I
would die with.
I would never have kids, the husband, the career. I haven't danced, I didn't
take the multitude of ideas and put them into action. I want to travel, take
photos of those travels, fall in love and live life. I was just thinking about
the I nevers' I would have when I die.
There is a quote that I going to live by, " When I stand before God at the
end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left,
and could say, "I used everything you gave me."~ Erma Bombeck
1)Worshiper of God
2) Photographer
3)Examiner.com Writer
4)Jewelry maker
5)Up cycle furniture
6)Be a mother
I have had so many ideas that I have put them off to later. I know now that
there may not be a later.
